snap culture: April 2005

  1. No Soup For You! ben, 4/29/2005 80 comments
  2. "Screech" on "Screech" ben, 4/29/2005 16 comments
  3. holy crap, fusion! ben, 4/27/2005 4 comments
  4. tears of the clown ben, 4/25/2005 0 comments
  5. Putting the "sin" in "cousin" William, 4/25/2005 0 comments
  6. Give it the Axe William, 4/25/2005 0 comments
  7. paying for the weather? ben, 4/24/2005 0 comments
  8. left-right-left-right-B-A-select-start ben, 4/22/2005 0 comments
  9. Mistakes were made William, 4/22/2005 0 comments
  10. `85 Bears: Appearing at your corporate event or Ben's birthday party... William, 4/19/2005 2 comments
  11. positively ben, 4/18/2005 0 comments
  12. Oh, Ron Mexico ben, 4/15/2005 0 comments
  13. damn, I was close ben, 4/15/2005 0 comments
  14. She's not a girl, but she could have one William, 4/13/2005 0 comments
  15. Today's Boondocks ben, 4/12/2005 0 comments
  16. Oldest Living Negro League Players Tells All William, 4/12/2005 0 comments
  17. George W. Bush's iPod William, 4/11/2005 0 comments
  18. School of hard knocks? William, 4/11/2005 0 comments
  19. best.quote.ever ben, 4/10/2005 1 comments
  20. In Brit we trust William, 4/06/2005 0 comments
  21. our brackets, ourselves ben, 4/03/2005 0 comments
  22. legendary ben, 4/02/2005 0 comments

4/29/2005 Add a comment

'Soup Nazi' to Launch Takeout Chain. Workers are prohibited from saying the famous phrase to disobedient customers. ben

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4/29/2005 Add a comment

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4/27/2005 Add a comment

Sounds like some UCLA researchers have achieved nuclear fusion. The bad news is that it's very small, but it's a start.

Note the attempt to make nuclear fusion "policy relevant", by claiming that it could have potential uses in oil drilling and homeland security. Yeah, great, get some more government funds and use fusion to screen luggage. Fuck that, use fusion to solve the world's energy problems! Come on, dream big, fusion researchers!

Also, note the biggest upside to their study, in contrast with some earlier efforts of two British researchers:
Fusion experts noted that the UCLA experiment was credible because, unlike the 1989 work, it did not violate basic principles of physics.
I'm no physicist, but I think that's a step in the right direction, I hate it when experiments defy basic laws of thermodynamics. ben

Comments

  1. Anonymous Dan: "And this perpetual motion machine she made today is a joke! It just keeps going faster and faster. ... Lisa! Get in here. In this house, we obey the laws of thermodynamics!"
    - Homer
    4/28/2005  
  2. Blogger ben: yes, that was the intended reference. 4/29/2005  
  3. Anonymous Michelle:
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    4/09/2006  

4/25/2005 Add a comment

With any article about mobsters, I first look for two things:

1) Proximity to my hometown of Oak Park: Elmwood Park borders it, and Melrose Park is one town removed. Surprisingly, no mention of neighboring River Forest, which is where many of the big-time mobsters have/had their suburban retreats (e.g. Tony "Big Tuna" Accardo). The closest I have to an Oak Park connection here is that a guy I went to high school with was rumored to be the son of Tony "The Ant" Spilotro, who Joe Pesci's character was based on in Casino, but I have no idea if it's true or not.

2) Nicknames, nicknames, nicknames. "The Clown" is a fantastic mobster nickname. "Hambone", "The German", and "The Indian" are pretty damn good, but I wouldn't want "The Ant", or, even worse, "Twan". I'm not sure if that's what it's referring to, but it reminds me too much of the classic Ice Cube lyric that started with "Used to be the Don Juan"... ben

Comments

4/25/2005 Add a comment

A Pensylvania couple seeks acceptance for their union. Husband and wife also happen to be cousins. What would Rick Santorum say about his own constituents?

Evidently there are also websites for "kissing cousin" devotees. The official term is "consanguineous marriage," and birth defects are twice as likely in offspring of these marriages than for those between unrelated partners. The Pennsylvania couple, however, says they have no intention of having children. But they will not be alone. They have several animals, including two guinea pigs named Beavis and Butt-Head.

One has to admit, though, that the story's author does a good job of not judging them too much. William

Comments

4/25/2005 Add a comment

This story is both hilarious and troubling. Young males wanting to feel like men are using the deodorant Axe to spray all over their bodies, giving them a very pungent smell, "vaguely sweaty, somewhat powdery and reminiscent of the aroma that wafted off your grandmother's dressing table."

Why do young people want to grow up so fast? And why, in the process of doing so, do they make such silly choices? William

Comments

4/24/2005 Add a comment

Talking Points Memo on the latest bill proposed by Senator Santorum to stop the National Weather Service from providing its forecasts for free. Because Santorum gets money from the Weather Channel, which wants to make money off of the weather. Disgusting.

From now on, I'm only getting my weather here. No ads, tons of maps and details, and it's Santorum-free. Now if only the forecast didn't include another inch of snow in Ann Arbor, I'd pay for that... ben

Comments

4/22/2005 Add a comment

Bringing new meaning to up-up-down-down... ben

Comments

4/22/2005 Add a comment

A woman in Virginia who served on a murder trial jury might face fines and costs of more then $25,000 after she was caught purchasing 74 cents' worth of newspapers, a violation of an order from the judge not to read or watch news coverage of the trial. The judge threw out the conviction for murder because of the juror's misdeeds. William

Comments

4/19/2005 Add a comment

...if the price is right and you rent at least three former players.

Beloved championship teams from the past are incorporating in order to sell autographs, memorabilia, etc. With the 20th anniversary of the Bears' Super Bowl victory engendering all kinds of nostalgia next season while the current product flops in the NFC North in the face of the mighty Packers, the team has organized itself into a promotional collective. Pretty good deal if you were a backup tight end who spent the entire `85 season on injured reserve, and you can still cash in with public appearances at golf outings and such. William

Comments

  1. Anonymous Anonymous: Steve Fuller, Emery Moorehead, and Dennis Gentry? 4/19/2005  
  2. Blogger ben: damn these finals, i was going to post this last friday when i first heard about it. i think i'll take maury buford, matt suhey, and my uncle, tyrone keys. 4/19/2005  

4/18/2005 Add a comment

Dork Street. (Thanks Meghan!) ben

Comments

4/15/2005 Add a comment

What an amazing story, largely suppressed by the big media outlets: Falcons QB Michael Vick has been charged in a civil suit with giving a woman he was dating herpes. And that he has, on at least one occasion, used the pseudonym "Ron Mexico". Needless to say, the real, herpes-free Ron Mexico isn't too thrilled about the media attention.

What was the NFL's response? They've block purchases of Atlanta jerseys on their website that say MEXICO on the back.

And of course, it only took a couple of days before RonMexico.com opened, with a full line of related t-shirts, and links to getting free condoms over the internet. It's become the one-stop clearinghouse of Ron Mexico-related news.

Also, I started this post with a dirty James Taylor verse (see the title), but I changed it, you know, for all the kids out there who read SnapCulture. Also, jokes referring to the "Michael Vick Experience" Nike ad campaign have been purged. But you can guess what they were like. Of course, Vick is innocent until proven guilty, but he hasn't been quick to deny the accusation. More on this as it develops. ben

Comments

4/15/2005 Add a comment

I said it was only a matter of time until they made "Billy Madison" the musical in my post a couple days ago. Well, I was wrong. It turns out instead it's going to be The Wedding Singer, the musical.

I can't believe 2 things, first, that I predicted this five days ago, and second, that there still isn't a James Brown musical. ben

Comments

4/13/2005 Add a comment

Britney is pregnant. This makes baby #3 for the 27-year-old Federline. The question is: why would 23-year-old Spears want a child so soon? That is soooooo Louisiana. William

Comments

4/12/2005 Add a comment

is hilarious. ben

Comments

4/12/2005 Add a comment

Or at least as much as he can. Ted "Double Duty" Radcliffe is 102 years old, and still going to ballgames. William

Comments

4/11/2005 Add a comment

Comments

4/11/2005 Add a comment

Several NFL players, including Freddie Mitchell and Dhani Jones, spent four days at Harvard Business School learning about business for eventual careers after they retire. William

Comments

4/10/2005 Add a comment

From the New York Times, in their article about how young straight white men are flocking to see Spamalot, the Monty Python musical on broadway:
"If I were of frat boy age and I had $100, would I opt for a Broadway ticket or would I want to spend that on booze and drugs?" Mr. Fierstein asked. "Even I, and I am as gay as a pink leather piñata, would choose booze and drugs."
The quote is from Harvey Fierstein, who wrote the book for "La Cage Aux Folles". Apparently the demographics for Spamalot attendees is causing quite a stir on Broadway. Expect "There's something about Mary" and "Billy Madison" to be musicals in no time (note: both movies did in fact have some singing).

Also, and this deserves it's own post, if anyone knows anyone who has some money to put up for a Broadway show, tell them to email me. Here it is: "I Feel Good!" the musical based on the music of James Brown. There are musicals out there for the music of Billy Joel, the Beach Boys, ABBA, and a bunch of others, but none of these musicians are as catchy as the GFOS, nor does their music span the full oevre so perfectly for the trajectory of a three-act play.

Here's the gist: Boy woos girl ("Try Me", "give it up"), Boy gets girl ("Sex Machine", "I got the feelin"), Boy loses girl ("It's a man's world", "please, please, please"), Boy finds out about the other guy ("The Big Payback"), and then boy gets girl back ("I feel good"). Throw in some family stuff ("Papa's got a brand new bag", "papa don't take no mess"), and some group songs ("Hot pants", "Make it funky", "Get up offa that thang", etc.), and you've got yourself a 12 years on Broadway blockbuster. As long as you don't try to make it "The James Brown Story", which would be a disaster. Or let Puffy play the lead.

Whoever steals this idea from me owes me a crapload of money. ben

Comments

  1. Blogger William: Excellent, excellent idea. "I Feel Good" is the best closing number ever. Would definitely get people dancing in their seats and out the door.

    JB used to be my discman music before HS basketball games. Of course, all it did was get me pumped up to ride the pine.
    4/11/2005  

4/06/2005 Add a comment

I will so be watching this: a reality show about pop star Britney Spears and layabout Kevin Federline. I shouldn't be surprised that they wanted to do this, but nevertheless I am. I didn't know they could take their trashiness to this level.

A great line: Federline, a former backup dancer before becoming Mr. Britney Spears, and a man of few words -- seriously -- said, "It is a documentation of love."
William

Comments

4/03/2005 Add a comment

You are who you pick, apparently. ben

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4/02/2005 Add a comment

One of the best April Fool's pranks ever was pulled off by George Plimpton in Sports Illustrated. 20 years ago yesterday, Plimpton wrote an article about a pitching prospect for the Mets named Sidd Finch, who could throw a baseball 168 miles per hour. The New York Times recounts the tall tale and the man who posed as the pitcher for the photos, who was an art teacher at my town's other middle school. A classic story that only someone with Plimpton's gravitas could have pulled off. The guy who posed for the pictures still gets stopped on the street because of it. ben

Comments